Damn You Tom Nook!
by The-Metal
Summary: The Expose Of A Villainous Tanuki. It is a prequel of sorts to Mafia Crossing.


_humorous OneShot story about Tom Nook. Rated 14+ for language and sexual humor_

The very second you step into the town, he is there waiting for you. Waiting to kick your ass with long time debt that'll own you up the ass for years to come.

But that is the way, _uh huh, uh huh,_ he likes it.

You see, Tom Nook likes his souls cold, dead, alone, and suffering. It has supplied him with sustenance for millenia at a time. Why, just look at Tommy and Timmy, his so called children. They're actually people like you and me, but they were dragged off by Nook and forced into slavery. Once they're old enough to not be able to serve Nook, Nook will free them only by devouring their very spritual plane. You're debt starts at about 18,700 (But only after you bargain your soul with him.) even so, Nook decides to screw you over some more, increasing your debt by milions of Bells at a time. He increases your house by a few crappy measurements, however, so hey, what's a few million dollars for some more space, right?

But I want to talk more about the slavery he enrolls you in _instantly._ No joke, he just whisks you away to slavery as soon as you step off the train. I'm dead serious. The very second you step off that motha fuckin' train, your ass is his property until you can bargain your soul, but only by clearing all of the Nookish Tortures can you do this.

First off, he has you plant trees and flowers around the shop. It's seemingly not bad, but you need to water the flowers everyday using _your own humanly tears._ Think of bad things to increase your grief, and cry until you can't any longer. The trees have to be watered with blood, but thank god you have the villagers to help you with that.

Secondly, he hungers for more souls, so he orders you to introduce yourself to all of the villagers minus one. (The poor bastard he kills and eats) Once you do that, and you see a cutscene of Nook eating one of the villagers flesh, go back to the store for your next torture.

He has blood all over his floor and apron. That's very disturbing, but at least the trees got their watering. Now he has you deliver by phone a set of accursed furniture. Go ahead and do that, and watch the fool who recieved it get sick, lose all their money, and descend slowly into madness. And leave knowing it's your own fault.

Now, the next thing you need to do is mail a advert to a random person you don't know about Nook's Cranny. But he doesn't know about the letter you sent... So, send an SOS, dammit!

Here is a direct copy of the letter I sent.

_Dear Mayor Tortimer,_

Thank god this letter reached you. I might be dead right now, but you have to save me! I'm being raped by Nook against my will and he's charging me for it! Save me!!  
Alex

This is, no joke, the letter I got back.

_Dear Alex,_

Been there, done that. Just think you're getting dildo raped by an Italian supermodel, that helped ease the pain for me. Just don't let him give you a jelly donut. It's not the confectionary item, trust me.

When you're done with this letter, please burn it. The Mayor

The next torture is to deliver a cursed carpet to a person in town. Whenever someone other than Nook steps on it, a layer of spikes erupts from the carpet, so handle it with care, and take your time.

You now need to deliver an axe to a person. Be wary of the cops though. Don't be afraid to hide in a tree or lake. You might have to, because that axe is the murder weapon from the second Nookish torture. (Remember the cut scene with Nook?) Once you give it to them, watch them be carried away and shot by the police in a cut scene. I guess Copper and Booker aren't as cute and innocent as they look...

The final torture is writing a bulletin in pigeons blood about the greatness of Nooks Cranny. If you say anything bad about it, the words will cut you, so be careful.

All the while, you're wearing a garment pieced together by the hide of demons that Nook had slain while in Hell. This garment drains your energy every time you walk, but don't pass out, or Nook will torture you even more. In case you do, never fear! The whole Italian supermodel thing helps out.

Now you can bargain your soul in a battle to the death with Nook. He is the toughest enemy in the game, and also the first and final boss. He will very likely kick your ass, so you can sit back, and relax, or try to beat him.

Either way, you'll likely lose, so get ready to be involved in a fifty million dollar debt to cover your house. Thankfully, as the debt goes over, you'll have more time to level up. Once you finally pay off your debt, Nook has no choice but to engage you in combat again.

He extorts the villagers, and is involved in the drug, prostitute, and assasin trade.

He is Tom Nook, and he is pure evil.

_If you wish to hear more about the epic battle between Good and Nook, read 'Mafia Crossing'_


End file.
